The Voice of God

God speaks to us in many ways.

Yesterday I read two notes from two strong women/mothers on FaceBook that were listed one after the other on my News Feed. Now, my friends don't post notes very often so this was a little bizarre to begin with. But you should also know that they had been posted within 1/2 hour of each other and these were the first "Notes" that either of them had ever posted.

The first one read:

I read a card on postsecret that has literally been haunting me ever since. I am going to tell you about it and go back to sleeping at night. Please let me know what you think---agree, disagree, don't give a rat's ass...whatever. Here goes:

"While I appreciate your kindness and sympathy, please don't tell me this was all a part of God's plan. It just makes me think you are both Assholes."

Wow. This really is stuck in my head and won't get out. I read and hear others say that something tragic was part of God's plan all the time. I always catch myself wanting to say something in reply, but never do. I have never thought of it the way the writer of the card did, if this was God's plan he is an Asshole and so are you for telling me, but I can completely understand feeling that way.

I know God has plans for each of us. I know that the God I know does not CAUSE tragedy in our lives. I know God can use any circumstance to bring us closer to him, but I will not ever believe that misery comes FROM God. There is tragedy because people have free will and there is sin in the world. No, I am not saying that people in dire circumstances brought it on themselves. Absolutely not. I mean that the state of humanity allows tragedy to occur, my God does not cause it.

You know I have more to say...but enough for now. Tell me what you think.

After considering the content of this note, I started reading the second. It was from one of the first students I taught in my career as a high school teacher. Time and distance have a way of growing between me and my past "kids" so there are often many things I do not know about their lives. I'm glad she shared.

This letter was written by Tabatha Harris Peterson to her beautiful daughter, Tristin Jenelle Peterson. What an amazing testimony.

I had this explanation written out as to why I was writing you a letter. It doesn't matter. We all deal with things in our own way and today, this is my way. I think it's a testament to a lot of things, but mainly how blessed I am to have had such an amazing child. That God deemed me special enough to be your mom. It goes to show you the bible is true.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

That scripture fits my life.

If God hadn't given you to me...where would I be right now? Who would I be right now? I don't know...and I'm glad I don't. The mother I am now to your brother, the person I am now....people who knew me back then as opposed to now wouldn't recognize me. You have inspired me in so many ways. My love for you, my admiration of your strength and courage...they have changed me in so many ways. God took something so horrible like you dying and turned it around into a life changing experience in so many amazing ways. My mourning turned into joy, accomplishment and happiness. Would I have been as driven? Would I have been as motivated? Would I have ever known what I was truly capable of had I not been your mother? I doubt it. God used you to teach me so many things. You being my daughter...I can't put it into words.

One regret I have, I wish I could have been this mother to YOU, not just your brother. You not only inspired me to be tough, you inspired me to be a better person and you being a part of my life saved me. In the most literal sense. I had to turn to someone that understood. Although, Grandma and Grandpa were my rock at that time...only God really understood. Who better could understand then God? He knew exactly what it was like to lose a child and in the worst way possible. I hated God when you were alive and needed Him after you were gone. Imagine that, eh? All those years I hated Him because you were sick and then gone. I fought it for awhile...but really, I had no one that really understood. The fact that everyone I thought were special to me besides your grandma and grandpa and your brother bailed on me didn't help..lol. Days I would have laid in bed all day long...but I couldn't. I had to take care of that boy. God used him to save my life. Now I understand why someone that abhorred children was given two at a time...haha.

Don't get me wrong....I miss you today so much when I think about it....I can't breathe. It's like a hand around my heart, squeezing. Wanting to give you a hug, see your smile, hear your laugh....it's painful. But my spirit knows your in the best place ever with the best baby sitter anyone could ask for. I wanted to play all those sad, depressing songs at your funeral. After I got saved...I heard the song "I can only imagine" by MercyMe. That song brought me to tears because I imagined alright. How amazing it must have been to have Jesus Himself come get you from that horribly twisted, worn out, disease ridden body. To have been free from that pain. To run and jump and play and laugh and smile and SEE again!! Man I was so furious when you went blind...I don't have the words. To be able to see all the things you must see everyday. To grow up in heaven. To be perfect and pain free.....I wouldn't wish for you to be here even as much as all of us miss you. You're right where you deserve to be....paradise. I miss you but I wouldn't trade your life now for being on this crappy rock.

If I could say something to you, other than I love you, I'd say thank you. Thank you for being my daughter. Thank you for showing me that we're not born with the ability to give up, we are taught that. Thank you for inspiring me to be the best mom I can be. Thank you for inspiring me to be the best person I can be. To be a better daughter and in not too long, wife. Even inspiring me to be a better friend. Thank you for making me realize what I am capable of. Thank you for being my hero and thank you for all the hugs, kisses, laughs and especially the memories. Thank you for being so freaking amazing. Ha...if you had any idea how much you have changed my life, Blaine's life, Grandma and Grandpa's, even Jay's life just by hearing about you and knowing who I am now. You've changed so many people's lives. Every time I start to think of giving up, getting frustrated, having a bad day...I remember you. I remember your perseverance. I remember no matter how much pain you had you always managed a smile. I would not be who I am now if God hadn't bestowed me with the honor of being your mother. I will be forever blessed because of that. And, because of your life....God saved mine.

We miss you, but I KNOW where you are and I am comforted by that. I have my flaws, I have my moments, but no matter what....I am your mother. I am Blaine's mother. Nothing has ever made me prouder. I wish I could have showed you that while you were here. I praise the Lord I got to be the mother of my heroes.

4 years down, 60 some to go. When I get there.....I expect a hug.

I love you.

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Follow-up note:

I contacted Tabatha and shared both the messages, just as I contact the other writer and shared Tabatha's message.  All of us were blessed by the thoughts of each other.  I'm grateful for such amazing people in my life.  But Tabatha shared more about her precious daughter that I wanted to pass on.  She's a little girl that needs to be remembered.

She was born on March 6th, 2000. Her full name is Tristin Jenelle Peterson and she was twin B. Her brother is a whopping 2 minutes older than she. She loved pink, barbie and was a complete drama queen/prima donna when she was healthy, lol. Makeup, hair, cell phones and purses where her specialty. She was a girl, thru and thru. She could never say her brother's name and lost the ability to talk by the time she should have been able to, so she always called him "boy". I'd ask her where her brother was, and she'd yell "BOOOOOOOOOY????" at the top of her little lungs. That's where Blaine got the nick name "that boy". He called her Sissy when he still talked. She appeared healthy until she was around 2, 2 and a half. Long story short, she was diagnosed with Niemann-pick type C in July of 2003. It's an incredibly rare metabolic disease and even now, there's no treatments or cures. It's very, very painful and anyone that thinks God creates disease to teach lessons (I've actually heard this) never saw this disease in action. She fought her little butt off for as long as her body would let her. She passed away on August 8th, 2006.

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Thank you, God, for talking to me today.