Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
--Ephesians 4:25-5:2
Paul continues to talk to the young church in the passage of scripture that we just heard. In today’s message, I will specifically focus on how Paul instructs us to use our words.
He tells us to put off all falsehood and speak the truth to one another. Don’t sugarcoat the message. Don’t bend the truth to make it more appealing. We must be willing and able to speak honestly to one another about the facts. Because if the facts indicate there is a problem, we must work together to deal with it.
Now, I don’t believe that worship is the time or place to deal with specific problems within our church. We have other venues to discuss together when there are issues. We have 6 teams that meet regularly within our church. This is where the issues should be discussed and plans should be made to address them. In these team meeting we must always agree to speak to the truth in love.
We have the Seed team that meets this Wednesday at 8:00. This team focuses on financial issues. We have the Grow team that meets this Wednesday. This team focuses on Christian Education and growing all members into mature disciples. And we have the Bloom team. This team focuses on reaching out into the community.
Besides those three main teams, we also have the Trustees who make decisions on how to best take care of our facilities. We have the Staff/Pastor Parish Relations Team that facilitates discussions between the church body and the pastor or other staff members. And we have the Administrative Council which is made up of the chairs from each the other teams to bring all of the information into one meeting so that everyone is informed and aware of all of the goings on in the church.
In the Methodist Church, all church decisions should come out of these meetings. No individuals, including the pastor, should be making critical decisions alone. As a team, we discuss and debate and decide our future together…as we speak the truth in love.
It’s a system. And it’s a good system…as long as members serve on the teams, attending their team meetings, and the chairs attend the administrative council meeting. Very soon we will begin asking people to serve on these teams for the next several years. Be prayerfully considering which team is a good fit for you. You don’t have to wait for a call, let me or someone else know how you would like to serve.
Next, Paul tells us that we should not speak or act in anger. He actually summarizes Psalm 4:4 which states, “Tremble and do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.” You might be so angry that you are shaking…but do not speak or act on this anger. Instead, before you go to sleep but as you are lying down in a resting position at night…search your heart. Pray on it. Be silent and listen to God. Do not go to sleep still angry.
Paul tells us that there should not be unwholesome talk. That includes a whole slew of “unwholesomeness”!
Bitterness. Have you spent time with someone who is bitter about something from their past? It’s something they can’t let go of…that keeps them from trusting, that keeps them from moving forward. Sometimes this bitterness leads to passive aggressive behavior…where we wear the pretense of community but say or do things with a smile that we know hurt someone else. Bitterness has no place in the church. If something is making you bitter, pray about it, talk to me about it, talk to someone about it…but do not let that bitterness continue to fester within you.
Rage. We talked about the fact that we should not speak or act in anger…but rage is an evil cousin to anger. Paul tells us that it’s okay to be angry. After all, Jesus got angry. Remember him overturning tables when he saw the moneychangers in the temple? But rage is a different animal. It is defined as “violent, uncontrollable anger.” If we have let our anger turn into rage, we no longer have control of it…even if we don’t act on it. Rage can be an internal thing, an anger that takes over our mind and keep us from thinking logically.
Arguing. We, as the body of Christ, will not always agree. But we can disagree without being disrespectful to one another. In fact, we must. As Christians we need to be able to listen respectfully to all sides of a disagreement. Wesley gave us a tool to help us with this task, it’s called the Wesleyan quadrilateral.
On all issues, our overarching guidelines are the scriptures. But when the scriptures are unclear on an issue we are to equally consider reason, tradition, and experience. Because we reason differently and we’ve all had different experiences…we will not always agree. But we should make every effort to try and understand why people take different stances on issues, and we need to respect those differences even when our stance is different.
Slander. This is a symptom of lingering anger and bitterness. But it can also be a symptom of jealousy and pride. And sometimes I think it is just a cry for help of someone who seeks attention. It is the spreading of lies about another. But I’m going to include gossip in this category also…after all, when we hear and repeat gossip, we typically do not know if there is any truth to it or not. Slander and gossip have absolutely no place in the church…whether the topic is something or someone internal to the church or external to the church. It should not be tolerated.
And then Paul moves away from those words that we shouldn’t say and moves on to words we should use…grace-filled words.
Words of kindness. Kindness requires that focus on the positive aspects of a situation. We can be angry but still be kind. We can disagree, but still be kind. We can speak the truth, but still be kind. Kindness is a fruit of the spirit. If we are growing in God’s grace, we will notice that kindness comes more and more naturally to us.
Words of compassion. Compassion is concern for the suffering or misfortune of others. So words of compassion are words that articulate this concern. And we can be compassionate even when we can’t be empathetic. Sometimes we just don’t understand what someone is going through, we can’t relate. In those times that we don’t have empathy, we need to be sympathetic.
Often compassion leads us to action. We see someone suffering…even if we don’t understand that suffering, and we are led to do something to ease the suffering. Sometimes speaking those words of compassion are all we can offer…and enough. And sometimes there is much more we can do.
Words of forgiveness. When we refuse to forgive, we are held captive by anger and bitterness. Forgiveness is the key to free a person of bitterness. These words need to be spoken and internalized.
Is there someone that you need to forgive? Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean reconciliation. Sometimes we struggle with forgiveness because the hurt was so grievous…such as in abuse. You can forgive without inviting someone back into your life. In fact, sometimes the safest thing for you and your family is not reconciliation. But you need to forgive. You need to be set free of your prison of anger and bitterness.
And within the church, forgiveness is critical to the cohesiveness of the body. We will hurt each other occasionally. We will step on each other’s toes sometimes. We must be willing to ask for forgiveness, we must be willing to offer forgiveness, and we must be willing to accept forgiveness.
And finally, Paul tells us that we need to walk in the way of love. We need to walk in the way of God. After all, the bible tells us that God is love. How can we call ourselves Christians if we are not walking in the way of love? This is our default. When in doubt, ask yourself, “What is the loving thing to say? What is the loving thing to do?”
I want to share a video with you by a contemporary singer about this very topic.
Words have power. They have the power to build up and they have the power to tear down. What will you speak? Won’t you speak life?
Amen.
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