Infinite Regress and God

In my continued reading of The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, the next chapter dealt with the proof that God does not exist.

Honestly, none of his arguments against the existence of God provided proof.  I’m not going to address each one of these in this blog.  However, I will say that his “proofs” are as weak or weaker than the “proofs” for God that he criticizes in the previous chapter.  In fact, Dawkins doesn’t even appear to realize that he uses his biases (just as he accuses Christians of using their own biases) to make his claims.  I found it amusing that this intelligent man is apparently unable to see his own logic flaws…especially when considering that he uses Christian biases to jocularly antagonize and belittle believers in the previous chapter. 

There is one point that he made, however, that made me stop cold and face an issue that I have avoided.  He introduces this as the problem of “infinite regress”.  One can find the definition by simply Googling (or Binging or Yahooing, etc.) it, but I’m going to put it in terms that anyone can understand.  If the universe is full of perfection, intelligence and complexity (from solar systems to ecosystems to internal body systems to molecular systems) that leads me to believe that they must’ve been designed by a Creator, THEN the Creator must be even more perfect, intelligent, and complex.  So who created the Creator?

I’m not going to lie.  I’ve thought about this before…often.  Dawkins didn’t amaze me with his brilliance by asking this question, but he did make me face a hard one. 

I think the standard answer has been, “Well, I don’t know.  But I have faith…and faith means that you don’t always have the answers yet you still believe.”  It seems like a cop-out.  However, there is logic behind it.  Simply put, we as humans don’t have all the facts.  As Christians we believe that when we do have all the facts, things will make sense.  Dawkins can’t accept this.  I’m sure he sees this argument as simple-minded and weak.  So, I’m going to expand on it with my own thoughts.  Am I offering “proof”?  No.  But I’m using the tools of Dawkins and his atheist cohorts…reasoning.

The universe and everything in it (that I can think of in my limited knowledge) was developed with a cyclical nature.  Think about it.  Planets make orbits.  Seasons come and go yearly.  There is a complex life cycle.  We have an intricate water cycle.  Women deal with a menstrual cycle.  Every process in our knowledge (or at least in mine) is based on a cycle.  It is my firm belief that “global climate change” is just another cycle but a longer one of which humans have very little data to realize that it is all part of the system.  (Can I have MY Nobel Prize now?)

I realized this even as a child.  In fact, when I first understood that through Jesus Christ we would have eternal life, it terrified me.  Have you ever really thought about it?  I simply cannot fathom anything eternal.  This is my challenge to you.  Go into a room by yourself (maybe tonight when you go to bed), close your eyes, and consider living forever.  It’s not something that you can do as you read this.  It’s not something that you can do in a minute.  Really think about what that means…what that looks like.  I did this as a child…I still do this occasionally.  Honestly, it scares the crap out of me. 

Because everything I know is cyclical, when I consider eternity I see it as a spiral.  This never-ending spiral continues to spin and spin and spin (like a barber pole) with no end.  Really, it is terrifying.  I remember being very young and thinking, “I don’t want to live forever!”  And I will not hesitate to tell you today that the concept still makes me nauseated.  I just cannot conceive of it.

Now maybe you’ve never thought about this to the depth that I have…until now.  But many people have.  In fact, I believe that this is why many believe in reincarnation.  Reincarnation is cyclical.  We can understand it.  In fact, in my limited human thinking, reincarnation is more appealing to me than eternal life.  Why?  Because it fits with my understanding of the universe.  Things come and go.  If I’m going to live forever, it must be in cycles.  But the Bible makes it clear that this is not the case.  (Hebrews 9:27-28)  Hmmm….so apparently there is something more that I don’t understand.

Can I prove that there is something beyond our universe that is NOT cyclical.  No.  But even people who lived back in Moses, David, and Jesus’ times must’ve had the same thoughts.  After all, I am nothing special.  So, if Judeo-Christian beliefs were all invented, why wasn’t reincarnation simply built into the plot?  It would’ve fit in better with our human understanding.  In fact, many other religions (Hindu, Buddhist, Kaballah, New Age, and many of the Greek philosophers) have done just that.

Our God is eternal.  Can I fathom it?  No…it is completely out of my realm of understanding.  In God’s wisdom and perfection, He created our universe with laws of nature that would make it perpetual and self-sustaining.  They are cyclical.  God, however, is not.  He wasn’t created, He hasn’t evolved, He doesn’t age…He is eternal.  God’s reality is totally separate from our reality.  He doesn’t live by our “rules”.  The “rules” were made for us!  God did, however, choose to enter our world through Jesus Christ and live by our rules for a short period of time.  However, while here He also demonstrated His ability to not follow the rules.  Hence the miracles…seen by thousands, recorded in history, and preserved in the Bible.

The only afterlife that makes sense, then, is an eternal afterlife with an eternal God.  The cyclical rules of this world will no longer be necessary.  Darwin, Dawkins, and Hawkings’ human logic models are meaningless in God’s kingdom.

Does it STILL scare me?  Absolutely.  It is beyond my comprehension.  But I’ve been assured that it will be heavenly.

Proof of God

I’m currently reading The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins.  My decision to read this is not because I question whether God exists, it is to see what logic is used by atheists to try to “disprove” the existence of God.

There is an entire chapter where Dawkins lists the “evidence” that has been presented by past theologians for a Creator and personal God.  One by one he addresses these and attempts to prove them illogical.  And, to be quite honest, he makes good arguments. 

The problem with these types of arguments is that both sides have biases.  He makes underlying assumptions that I do not.  Just as a theologian makes underlying assumptions that Dawkins does not.  There is no reconciliation of this fact.  It really boils down to the fact that Dawkins does not want to believe in God.  On the other hand, theologians and true Christians know that God exists.  They do not have to prove it.

You see, the amazing thing about God is that when one accepts Him, He lives within them.  Can I prove this to you, oh skeptical one?  No.  Ha!  I won’t even try.  But it should be obvious by the changes in my life.  Of course, there are those who will choose not to accept that as “proof” either.  But…they would if it happened to them.

God gives His grace as a gift to those whom He chooses.  (Romans 8:29-30)  You see, there are some that will never believe because they were not elected by God to receive His grace...His gift.  This concept is beautiful and terrifying.  It’s beautiful because I know that I am not worthy of this gift, yet He has given it to me.  It’s terrifying in that I realize that some people will never receive or accept this gift and will suffer the consequences of their sins that I should have to suffer with them. 

I did not earn this gift of God.  I need to make that very clear.  I have not lived in such a way that God would look at me and think, “Well, that Gina sure is righteous.  I’m going to give her My grace.”  No, no no!  It is a gift…a totally undeserved gift!  I am humbled by the amazing grace of God.  Do I completely understand how or why God chooses His elect?  Absolutely not.  But God is sovereign.  He doesn’t need my input.  And…I trust him.

But I do not accept this gift without responsibility.  After all, faith is meaningless if it is not accompanied by action.  (James 2:14-17)  Just ask anyone who has been “turned off” to Christianity by hypocrites in the pew beside him.  My life has changed—my outlook, priorities, mission, pastimes, and attitude.  It is truly a miracle.  And God performs this beautiful miracle every day. 

The Bible tells us that the proof of God is all around us.  (Romans 1:18-21)

I don’t need to prove to you that God exists.  You already know it.  Whether or not you admit it is another question.

Moralistic Therapeutic Deism

Twice in the past week I've heard Christians that I respect discuss their concern of Moralistic Therapeutic Deism (MTD).  Let’s break it down. 

Moralistic—concerned with morality

Therapeutic—assisting in a cure

Deism--a movement or system of thought advocating natural religion, emphasizing morality, and in the 18th century denying the interference of the Creator with the laws of the universe

This term was coined by Christian Smith of the University of Notre Dame.  According to the National Study of Youth and Religion, people who are MTD believe the following:

1. God exists. He created and watches over the world.

2. God wants us to be good, nice and fair to each other.

3. The central goal of life is to be happy and to feel good about oneself.

4. God is not involved except when I need God to solve a problem.

5. Good people go to heaven when they die.

In my observances, I would stretch this a little further.  It is not just a youth problem, it’s a world-wide, every age problem.   In fact, I would guess that many of you reading this don’t even see anything wrong with the 5 beliefs listed above.  Let’s look at each one of these and see exactly what IS the problem?

God exists.  He created and watches over the world.

Yes.  Yes.  And, well…yes.  I hesitate a little on the last one because “watching over” seems to indicate that God makes sure that everything is A-Okay.  And, to be quite frank, everything here is not. 

Don’t think for one minute that God is not aware of everything going on in the world, but he does allow us to use our free will—which means that we often hurt others and ourselves.  Could he intercede?  Yes.  Does he intercede?  I’m quite sure that he does.  But God is sovereign and he makes those calls without needing (or heeding) the advice of us.

God wants us to be good, nice, and fair to each other.

Yes.  Yes.  Yes.  But there is more to this one.  Being “nice” to one another seems to indicate that we never should disagree.  But there are often times that we need to contradict or even confront (privately and with respect and love) when another person (particularly a fellow Christian) is out of line—in their faith, in their actions, in their beliefs, or in their words.  (Matthew 18:15-17)  When on the receiving end of this, it doesn’t feel very nice. 

Being “fair” is even more complicated.  It’s easy to see the importance of “fairness” when talking about paying your entire tax bill, awarding appropriate penalties to crimes, or honestly correcting mistakes even when they resulted in something favorable for you.  However, being “fair” gets fuzzy when we, or someone we love, is treated in a manner that we see as being unfair.  What is fair in this circumstance?  Is it to treat them unfairly back?

Being “fair” gets even more fuzzy when we become aware that someone has committed an act that we see as being not good, or not nice, or not fair.  We do NOT have the right to condemn others.  (Matthew 7:1-5)  As mentioned earlier, we do have a responsibility to contradict or confront (as described above) but this does not include the right to gossip about them to others or publicly criticize them.  God is our judge.  God will make sure that everyone is one day treated fairly.  Our best course of action is to simply pray for them. 

The central goal of life is to be happy and to feel good about oneself. 

No.  The central goal of life is to glorify God.  (1 Peter 4:11, 1 Corinthians 10:31, 1 Chronicles 16:29, 1 Corinthians 6:20)  Often when we make ourselves happy or feel good about ourselves, it is because we are glorifying ourselves. 

I was watching Andrew Witt sing live a while back.  (http://www.andrewwittmusic.com) Wow.  The thought that kept coming to me as I watched this talented and good-looking group of young men glorify God with their words, actions, music, and prayers was that fact that they could be using their talents to glorify themselves.  It amazes me that at their young ages they already know that their purpose in life is to glorify God. 

Now I’ll bet that if you asked Andrew, he would tell you that he IS happy and feels good about himself because he glorifies God.  You see, I think that he understands that these things are the effects of striving toward our goal…but are not goals themselves.

God is not involved except when I need God to solve a problem.
No.  This belief seems to refer to the concept of answered prayers so that is how I will address it. 

As a creation of God, man does not have all of the facts.  Yes, science has taught us much about our world but we don’t even begin to understand the complexity of God’s designs.  In fact, we use the rules of the laws of nature to explain our universe yet refuse to acknowledge that He made those laws!  It is truly laughable that we think we have things so figured out!

God has all the facts.  God sees the big picture.  He is not restricted by the laws of nature that he created for us.  He is involved when He sees fit.  In fact, I believe that he is involved with us personally and on a daily basis when we except Him into our lives and invite the Holy Spirit to live within us. (Romans 8:9-11)  We, on the other hand, are limited in our knowledge of God’s creation.  There are simply some things that we are not able (or meant) to understand.  We want Him to get involved when WE see fit.  Instead, we must trust him and not rely on the limited information that we have when it comes to the decisions that God makes in our lives.  (Proverbs 3:5)

Good people go to heaven when they die.
Yes and no.  People who go to heaven are good, but this is not why they got there.  The fact of the matter is that there are people that most humans would consider “good” that will not make it.

You see, one cannot earn his way into heaven.  It is simply impossible.  We are all sinners.  No matter how “good” you are, you are still a sinner.  Sorry.

We, however, can be saved by God’s grace.  It is a gift.  It is a gift to those who believe in Him; accept His son, Jesus Christ, as their Savior through baptism; (Mark 16:16) and repent of their sins (genuinely feel remorseful and try hard to discontinue sinning) (Acts 2:38).  God in his sovereignty chooses who He will save. (Romans 8:29-30)

We can fool people into believing that we are Christians.  In fact, we can live our public lives in a way that we even fool other Christians.  Even more scary, I think we can wrongfully convince ourselves that we are Christians when we really haven’t even taken the time to understand what that means.  I’m afraid that many people who call themselves Christian simply don’t get it.

One good test for yourself is to consider the fruits that you have received from the Holy Spirit.  (Galations 5:22-23)  The blessings that God bestows on his followers are amazing.

The bottom line is that if we want people to understand what Christianity means, we need to be honest in our teaching of it.  Sometimes that means that we have to tell people things that they don’t want to hear. 

The Qur'an: A Christian Perspective

I’ve been sitting on this blog for a while.  Reflecting.  Editing.  Considering…

Most importantly, I want to be respectful. 

Our beliefs shape our lives.  From the time we are born our parents, our culture, our communities, and our religion instill a belief system within us.  However, this is just a starting point.  At some time in our lives, we are expected to search for the truth.  After all, can something truly be considered MY belief, if I’ve never cared about it enough to really explore it?

In Muslim countries, this belief system is politicized.  There is no choice.  The government tells citizens what their beliefs are.  Either they practice Islam and raise their families this way or they are punished.  Their exposure to Christianity is limited and the spiritual knowledge they have is the spiritual knowledge that has been given them. 

In my search for the truth and understanding, I decided to get a copy of the Islamic holy book, The Qur’an, and read it for myself.

The prophet, Mohammed, who made the proclamations that are recorded in the Qur’an lived in the 6^th and 7^th centuries.  This book is a collection of his statements that he believes were given to him by the angel, Gabrielle, as the word of his god, Allah.  They are in no particular order but always start with “In the Name of Allah, the Compassionate, the Merciful.” 

By the year 570 A.D., the year that Mohammed was born, the Old Testament of the Bible had been around for over 1,000 years.  It is believed that these books were written and had been circulating since 1,400 B.C. (according to my Bible).  Of course we know that Christ lived in the first century, so the books of the New Testament had also been written and had already been widely circulated and canonized by the 4^th century…a good 200 years before the birth of Mohammed.

When Mohammed speaks for Allah throughout this text, Allah refers to himself usually in the plural (we, our, us), however he occasionally refers to himself in the singular.  This made me consider the possibility of an Islamic belief in the Trinity (God, Son, Holy Spirit) however I quickly realized that this is not the case.  I am, frankly, unable to reconcile this plurality of Allah with the firm Muslim belief in only one god.

Honestly this book is not at all what I expected. In fact, I believe that the Qur’an is based on three contributing factors:  1) the Old Testament; 2) a rejection of Jesus as God’s son; and 3) pagan Arabic beliefs, customs, and practices.  Allah is substituted in for Yahweh (the Judeo-Christian God) as the stories of Moses, Abraham, Noah, Solomon, David, and other Old Testament characters are referenced and retold. 

Jesus is discounted as “a mortal whom We (Allah in the plural) favored and made an example to the Israelites.”  (Chapter 43:  Ornaments of Gold)  It goes on to state that “when Jesus worked his miracles, he said: ‘I have come to give you wisdom and to make plain to you some of the things about which you differ.  Fear Allah and follow me.  Allah is my Lord and your Lord:  therefore serve Him.  That is the right path.’”  Interspersed with these references to Jewish and Christian beliefs are references to pagan rituals and entities, such as genies (jinn).

However, the most common topic throughout the text is the admonition of Allah (through Gabrielle and then through Mohammed) that “wrongdoers” and unbelievers will be punished in hell while worshippers and followers of Allah will be rewarded in “paradise”.  The threat of never-ending punishment overshadows and accompanies nearly every chapter.

I wish that every practicing Muslim would (or could) read the Holy Bible—the Old and New Testaments.  I think they would be amazed at how much of the Qur’an refers back to the true Word of God.  (I know I was.)  I think they would be shocked by the details that are given in the Holy Bible that are missing in the short and scattered references that are haphazardly arranged in the Qur’an.  In fact, their own book would actually make more sense.  However, they should note that nobody named Allah was ever mentioned in these ancient texts that were written long before Mohammed came on the scene.  And, of course, the Qur’an does not share with Muslims the sacrifice that God’s son, Jesus Christ, made to atone for our sins.  


The above are my observations...not my conclusions.  However, I feel that this is not complete without the discussion of "Why" Mohammed made the claims that he did.  

There are three possible conclusions in my mind to reach about Mohammed and Allah. 

In my first scenario, it is possible that Mohammed had been raised with a specific belief system including cultural and pagan rituals along with the knowledge of the Old Testament (including the Torah) and New Testament.  In trying to reconcile the truth through his own knowledge and experiences, he developed his own “god” (Allah).  He then deemed himself Allah’s prophet because he was the only one that knew of Allah…not recognizing that this was true only because Allah was a figment of his own imagination.  The thoughts that entered his own mind were seen by him as revelations from his god.

The second scenario is that Mohammed maliciously made up the whole thing.  He was totally sane and smart enough to use his knowledge of the popular beliefs of the time (Jewish, Christian, and paganism) to (1) create his own version of a god; (2) base his claims on historical and widely known (and accepted) occurrences of divine intervention (the great flood, destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, etc.); (3) use his charisma and scare tactics to recruit followers; and (4) seek the fame and riches that would come if people believed him. 

Oh, don’t act shocked at number 4.  Religion is a multi-million dollar industry.  Just ask L. Ron Hubbard (a science fiction writer and good friend of Aleister Crowley) who developed Scientology after making it clear over a number of years that inventing a religion was a great way to get rich.

My third scenario may seem a bit “out there.”  Is it possible that Allah is a demon (or an Anti-Christ or even Satan himself) who (1) claimed falsely to be the one true God; (2) revealed himself to Mohammed through another fallen angel who falsely claimed to be Gabrielle; (3) and convinced this trusting man that he was doing God’s work when in fact he was leading people away from the one, true God?

Whatever the truth may be, it is obvious to me that Mohammed either intentionally, through self-deception, or through the trickery of Satan, used a combination of Biblical truths and cultural beliefs to hijack the souls of millions of people throughout the last 1,400 years.

The Jefferson Bible

I wasn’t looking for it when I found it.  In fact, I didn’t even know it existed.  Yet, when it caught my eye, I had to pick it up.

Roaming through the religion section of the Salina Public Library, the title, The Jefferson Bible jumped out at me.  As I started leafing through it, I realized that it was a translation of the Holy Bible by one of our founding fathers and our former President, Thomas Jefferson.

I had always considered Thomas Jefferson a great man.  Most notably, he wrote our amazing Declaration of Independence; served in congress, as Vice President, then again as President; and made the Louisiana Purchase.  How could I know these things about a man so integral to the development and continued sustainability of the United States of America yet not know that this man, who so passionately sought to protect our rights to religious freedom, had himself wrote a translation of the Bible.

Upon reading the introduction, I realized that Jefferson originally began this project to serve as moral instruction to the American Indians.  As he continued his work, this purpose was abandoned and it was obvious that he never intended for the book to be published.  He wrote it for himself and his family. Using Latin and Greek translations of the Gospels, he combined these into one comprehensive work. The title that he originally gave it was, “The Life and Morals of Jesus of Nazareth.”

It would’ve been an interesting endeavor…surely not the first time that Mathew, Mark, Luke, and John were combined.  However, Jefferson did not use his intellect and religious freedom to align the four versions of Christ’s life that were inspired by God.  Instead, he made an abomination of them.

You see, Jefferson told the entire story from birth to death of Christ, but left out the most important components…the virgin birth, his deity, the miracles he worked, his resurrection, and his ascension.  Jefferson’s Bible proclaimed Christ’s teaching, an essential component of Christianity, but failed to include the evidence that revealed the purpose of Christ’s life.  Jefferson did not see him as a Savior…just a good teacher with exceptional moral standards.

The book was bound and stored.  His grandchildren didn’t even know of it until after he had died.  At that time, it was inherited by a grandson who continued to pass it down until it was sold to the National Museum in 1895.  In 1902 Congress ordered that 9,000 copies of the volume be printed; 3,000 for the Senate and 6,000 for the House.  Now they are collector’s items.

Thomas Jefferson believed in God.  He saw himself as a Christian.  In fact, in his notes he states that his “bible” is “a document in proof that I am a real Christian” and asserts that the pieces he pulled out to include were easy to distinguish as the real story of Christ because those excerpts were like “diamonds in a dunghill.”

In Jefferson’s notes, he states that “In the New Testament there is internal evidence that parts of it have proceeded from an extraordinary man and that other parts are of the fabric of very inferior minds…”  He describes Jesus as “a man of illegitimate birth, of a benevolent heart, enthusiastic mind, who set out without pretensions to divinity, ended in believing them, and was punished capitally for sedition...”  He states that Jesus’ biographers started by laying “a ground-work of vulgar ignorance, of things impossible, of superstitions, fanaticisms and fabrications.”

How many “Christians” today believe the same thing?  How many of Christ’s followers believe that the man, Jesus, existed--but can’t swallow the miraculous nature of his life or death? 

Well, let’s just think about this for a second. 

If one believes in God

and believes that He is omniscient, transcendent, and sovereign,

and believes that He is the creator of the heavens and the earth;

WHY would he NOT believe that if He chose to send a Savior, his Son,

that the Savior would be conceived under miraculous circumstances,

the Savior would be able to perform miracles to confirm his deity and purpose,

the Savior would not be subject to the human condition of decay after death,

and the Savior would return to his Father in heaven?

If one believes in God, doesn’t he believe that He is capable of doing these things?

And if he believes in God and knows that God is capable, yet doesn’t believe in the miraculous life of Christ, isn’t he relying on the knowledge that we, as humans, have of the world?  Do you really think we know it all?  Do we really think that our puny little brains can even come close to comprehending the knowledge and power that is held by our Creator?

Please do not disregard the Truth because it is miraculous.  Believe in it…believe in Him, because it is miraculous. 

Thomas Jefferson put the fate of his soul on his arrogant faith in his own ability to decide what God can and cannot, would and would not, do. 

Please don’t presume to know the will of God. 

Mosque at Ground Zero--An Unpopular Opinion

Okay, I'm weighing in on this issue.

I've seen several FaceBook friends post about it.  It's an emotional issue.  I think it needs to be handled carefully.

First...it has been said that taxpayer money will be spent on this project.  I don't believe this is accurate.  I'm sure taxes are being used to prepare the area for buildings...but not on the buildings themselves.  This is common practice.  It's how we revitalize areas of blight.  

I understand that radical Muslim terrorists see the building of a Mosque on the sacred ground of the World Trade Center as being a victory. However, just because THEY see it that way doesn't mean that it is so.

Muslim people died in the towers, too.  According to the best data I could find, about 60 Muslim men and women died in those towers.  Jews died there, too.  So did Christians.  I'm sure there were some agnostics and atheists also.  This was an act of terrorism by extremists against America--Radical Jihadists against the "Great Satan".

As Christians, we need to remember that Christ loves us all.  He doesn't see the color of our skin, hear our accents, care where we were born, or count our sins.  Nowhere in the Bible is hate condoned...except for God's hate of sin.  Jesus never forced anyone to believe in him or accept him as their Savior.  We are not called on to judge others but to plant the seeds of the truth of Christ in others so that the Holy Spirit can work on their souls.  God gave us free will.  Do we really think we should have the power to take it away?

One friend recently said, "It's just not necessary.  It's provocative."  This is a good point...but it should've been made sooner by the administration of the city of New York.  If we wanted this to be seen as "Sacred Ground" it should have been zoned as a park or memorial and left alone.  It wasn't.  All the rules were followed, permits were secured, and obstacles cleared...except for the emotional ones.  Actually, the mosque won't be located on ground zero--but near it.  How close is too close?  

I believe that we need to be very, very consistent in upholding both clauses of the freedom of religion...otherwise, someday, we could lose OUR rights to practice Christianity. I'm glad that this country supports our ability to exercise the free will that God gave us. We are lucky to be American. I love this country and the freedoms that have been won through hard battles by people of all religions that serve in our military.

The politically correct answer is the emotional answer.  It will get votes in upcoming elections.  It says..."These murders were done in the name of Allah.  No mosque should be built near Ground Zero!"

No.  People...these murders were done in the name of jealousy.  There is no Allah.  We should be praying for their souls.

The Voice of God

God speaks to us in many ways.

Yesterday I read two notes from two strong women/mothers on FaceBook that were listed one after the other on my News Feed. Now, my friends don't post notes very often so this was a little bizarre to begin with. But you should also know that they had been posted within 1/2 hour of each other and these were the first "Notes" that either of them had ever posted.

The first one read:

I read a card on postsecret that has literally been haunting me ever since. I am going to tell you about it and go back to sleeping at night. Please let me know what you think---agree, disagree, don't give a rat's ass...whatever. Here goes:

"While I appreciate your kindness and sympathy, please don't tell me this was all a part of God's plan. It just makes me think you are both Assholes."

Wow. This really is stuck in my head and won't get out. I read and hear others say that something tragic was part of God's plan all the time. I always catch myself wanting to say something in reply, but never do. I have never thought of it the way the writer of the card did, if this was God's plan he is an Asshole and so are you for telling me, but I can completely understand feeling that way.

I know God has plans for each of us. I know that the God I know does not CAUSE tragedy in our lives. I know God can use any circumstance to bring us closer to him, but I will not ever believe that misery comes FROM God. There is tragedy because people have free will and there is sin in the world. No, I am not saying that people in dire circumstances brought it on themselves. Absolutely not. I mean that the state of humanity allows tragedy to occur, my God does not cause it.

You know I have more to say...but enough for now. Tell me what you think.

After considering the content of this note, I started reading the second. It was from one of the first students I taught in my career as a high school teacher. Time and distance have a way of growing between me and my past "kids" so there are often many things I do not know about their lives. I'm glad she shared.

This letter was written by Tabatha Harris Peterson to her beautiful daughter, Tristin Jenelle Peterson. What an amazing testimony.

I had this explanation written out as to why I was writing you a letter. It doesn't matter. We all deal with things in our own way and today, this is my way. I think it's a testament to a lot of things, but mainly how blessed I am to have had such an amazing child. That God deemed me special enough to be your mom. It goes to show you the bible is true.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

That scripture fits my life.

If God hadn't given you to me...where would I be right now? Who would I be right now? I don't know...and I'm glad I don't. The mother I am now to your brother, the person I am now....people who knew me back then as opposed to now wouldn't recognize me. You have inspired me in so many ways. My love for you, my admiration of your strength and courage...they have changed me in so many ways. God took something so horrible like you dying and turned it around into a life changing experience in so many amazing ways. My mourning turned into joy, accomplishment and happiness. Would I have been as driven? Would I have been as motivated? Would I have ever known what I was truly capable of had I not been your mother? I doubt it. God used you to teach me so many things. You being my daughter...I can't put it into words.

One regret I have, I wish I could have been this mother to YOU, not just your brother. You not only inspired me to be tough, you inspired me to be a better person and you being a part of my life saved me. In the most literal sense. I had to turn to someone that understood. Although, Grandma and Grandpa were my rock at that time...only God really understood. Who better could understand then God? He knew exactly what it was like to lose a child and in the worst way possible. I hated God when you were alive and needed Him after you were gone. Imagine that, eh? All those years I hated Him because you were sick and then gone. I fought it for awhile...but really, I had no one that really understood. The fact that everyone I thought were special to me besides your grandma and grandpa and your brother bailed on me didn't help..lol. Days I would have laid in bed all day long...but I couldn't. I had to take care of that boy. God used him to save my life. Now I understand why someone that abhorred children was given two at a time...haha.

Don't get me wrong....I miss you today so much when I think about it....I can't breathe. It's like a hand around my heart, squeezing. Wanting to give you a hug, see your smile, hear your laugh....it's painful. But my spirit knows your in the best place ever with the best baby sitter anyone could ask for. I wanted to play all those sad, depressing songs at your funeral. After I got saved...I heard the song "I can only imagine" by MercyMe. That song brought me to tears because I imagined alright. How amazing it must have been to have Jesus Himself come get you from that horribly twisted, worn out, disease ridden body. To have been free from that pain. To run and jump and play and laugh and smile and SEE again!! Man I was so furious when you went blind...I don't have the words. To be able to see all the things you must see everyday. To grow up in heaven. To be perfect and pain free.....I wouldn't wish for you to be here even as much as all of us miss you. You're right where you deserve to be....paradise. I miss you but I wouldn't trade your life now for being on this crappy rock.

If I could say something to you, other than I love you, I'd say thank you. Thank you for being my daughter. Thank you for showing me that we're not born with the ability to give up, we are taught that. Thank you for inspiring me to be the best mom I can be. Thank you for inspiring me to be the best person I can be. To be a better daughter and in not too long, wife. Even inspiring me to be a better friend. Thank you for making me realize what I am capable of. Thank you for being my hero and thank you for all the hugs, kisses, laughs and especially the memories. Thank you for being so freaking amazing. Ha...if you had any idea how much you have changed my life, Blaine's life, Grandma and Grandpa's, even Jay's life just by hearing about you and knowing who I am now. You've changed so many people's lives. Every time I start to think of giving up, getting frustrated, having a bad day...I remember you. I remember your perseverance. I remember no matter how much pain you had you always managed a smile. I would not be who I am now if God hadn't bestowed me with the honor of being your mother. I will be forever blessed because of that. And, because of your life....God saved mine.

We miss you, but I KNOW where you are and I am comforted by that. I have my flaws, I have my moments, but no matter what....I am your mother. I am Blaine's mother. Nothing has ever made me prouder. I wish I could have showed you that while you were here. I praise the Lord I got to be the mother of my heroes.

4 years down, 60 some to go. When I get there.....I expect a hug.

I love you.

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Follow-up note:

I contacted Tabatha and shared both the messages, just as I contact the other writer and shared Tabatha's message.  All of us were blessed by the thoughts of each other.  I'm grateful for such amazing people in my life.  But Tabatha shared more about her precious daughter that I wanted to pass on.  She's a little girl that needs to be remembered.

She was born on March 6th, 2000. Her full name is Tristin Jenelle Peterson and she was twin B. Her brother is a whopping 2 minutes older than she. She loved pink, barbie and was a complete drama queen/prima donna when she was healthy, lol. Makeup, hair, cell phones and purses where her specialty. She was a girl, thru and thru. She could never say her brother's name and lost the ability to talk by the time she should have been able to, so she always called him "boy". I'd ask her where her brother was, and she'd yell "BOOOOOOOOOY????" at the top of her little lungs. That's where Blaine got the nick name "that boy". He called her Sissy when he still talked. She appeared healthy until she was around 2, 2 and a half. Long story short, she was diagnosed with Niemann-pick type C in July of 2003. It's an incredibly rare metabolic disease and even now, there's no treatments or cures. It's very, very painful and anyone that thinks God creates disease to teach lessons (I've actually heard this) never saw this disease in action. She fought her little butt off for as long as her body would let her. She passed away on August 8th, 2006.

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Thank you, God, for talking to me today.